Why it’s Time to Talk to Your Parents About their Will
Most of us have helped our parents update their banking app, set up a WhatsApp video call, identify a suspicious SMS or reset their Facebook password. Well, estate planning belongs on that same list. Instead of waiting until it’s too late, you can initiate the conversation to find out if a parent has a valid will and where the original is kept.
Louise Danielz, Chief Operating Officer at Sanlam Trust, says checking whether your parents have a valid will is one of the most important conversations families can have. She suggests starting the conversation with something small, like asking a parent what they would want them to do with their collection of books, a piece of jewellery, or a few ornaments one day.
“You don’t need to ask who is receiving the house or how much money there is. Instead, ask questions that will help you determine if a plan exists and where it can be found. The point of all this isn’t a bleak conversation about death. It’s making sure the people you love are protected, and that your parent’s wishes are known and can be honoured.”
Choose the moment, then plant the seed
Timing is everything when discussing a will. Danielz says the conversation should never be forced when someone is anxious or under pressure. “Sometimes it’s better to plant the seed now and water it later, which could mean raising the subject briefly, giving a parent time to think and returning to it another day. Privacy helps too. A quiet one-on-one chat at home allows the parent to open up and share what they’d actually like to happen, rather than a discussion in front of the whole family.”
“Fresh bereavement, conflict, illness, or a financial crisis may also make the subject feel more threatening. A death in the family can prompt reflection, but it should not become an opportunity to pressure someone,” she adds.
What if a parent says they don’t need one?
Resistance could come down to a parent believing that they don’t own enough to bother, that the family already knows their wishes, talking about death invites it, or that it’s all too expensive and complicated.
This reluctance is more common than many people realise. The 2025 Sanlam Legacy Wills Survey found that 66% of respondents did not have a will, highlighting how many families still delay estate planning conversations until it's too late.
Danielz says the most useful response in this instance is telling your parent that a will can now be drafted for free, that it gives the family peace of mind, and prevents unnecessary delays in getting an executor appointed.”
Additionally, when someone dies without a valid will, their estate is distributed according to a fixed legal formula under the rules of intestate succession. The estate is also frozen at death, and with no will naming an executor, the Master of the High Court must appoint one, which delays the process even more. This happens regardless of the size of the estate.
The paperwork matters more than people realise
A will may express a parent’s wishes perfectly and still create complications if it has not been executed correctly. Danielz says you don’t need to know every detail of a parent’s will; what matters is that the essentials are covered. A family should establish three things:
Where the original will is kept
Who the executor is
Whether it was drawn up and signed correctly
Anyone aged 14 or older who is competent to give evidence can act as a witness, but beneficiaries and their spouses should not do so. Danielz says, under the Wills Act, witnessing a will can disqualify a person, or their spouse, from receiving a benefit or serving as executor, trustee or guardian.
The original document matters too. The Master of the High Court generally cannot accept a certified copy as a valid will. When the original cannot be found, the estate may have to be distributed under intestate succession unless the High Court orders that a copy be accepted. That can mean additional costs and delays. That’s why it’s best to keep the originally signed will secure and ensure trusted people know where it is.
How to support a parent without pressuring them
Once a parent is open to acting, you should try to help without trying to control the situation. This could mean helping to gather a list of assets and liabilities, finding policy information, scheduling an appointment or connecting a parent with a professional financial adviser.
One of the most effective conversation starters, according to Danielz, is to lead by example and draft or review your own will first, then use that as the reason to raise the subject. It’s a natural way in, plus you wouldn’t be lecturing your parent; you would be sharing something you’ve just done yourself.
“By taking action, you can begin modelling the behaviour that previous generations may never have had an opportunity to learn. That foundation will help ensure that grief does not also have to become detective work,” concludes Danielz.